Confirming a long held suspicion of mine.....in Spain (and in pretty much every other country besides the United States, I can confidently wager), soccer is more important than sex.
Lest you think I kid, ponder this. A perennial crowd pleaser, the Erotic Film Festival of Barcelona usually draws crowds of over 50,000 to mingle with porn stars, strippers, and sex industry superstars and screen the latest flicks. But not this year. Spain's dazzling success in the Eur0 Cup 2008 (led by David Villa and the delicious El Nino) meant that Spaniards across the nation were glued to their tv sets - not for adult films, however, but for football matches.
Many Spanish wives are no doubt crying. "Football is one of the few things that can compete with sex," laments festival organizer Juli Simon. Given the stunning good looks of certain members of the Spanish team, however, one wishes that perhaps a compromise between the two activities could be reached....
Sssh, don't tell my husband. Oh, wait, he's got the game on! Nevermind.
6.30.2008
6.26.2008
Word choice....it matters.
As I wait with bated breath to see the outcome of the Russia vs. Spain Euro Cup semifinals (my money - and my heart - are on Arshavin, Pavlyuchenko, & co......of course!), I have to share this little gem with you, courtesy of Wonkette.
Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. (Read the sashes if you're curious.)
But don't get the wrong idea here. The Faggot Family, as they're actually called, are really just fanatics of a traditional British culinary dish. The unfortunately named food is made from pig liver and other pork products (sounds mmm-mmmm delicious, no?) and dates back to the Middle Ages as a staple of English cooking.
You know it's going to be a good news article when the opening photo caption reads, "The Doody family hopes to raise the profile of faggots." If you are interested in learning more, you can even go out to your local bookseller and purchase the Good Faggot Guide.
This incredibly eager family has the following to say on the topic: "The great British faggot is full of flavor and a great belly warmer." Oooo-kay. I am trying to bite back a smart comment about Elton John. Perhaps most bizarrely of all, the Doody clan actually competed for the title of Faggot Family, undergoing a series of quizzes, mock commercials, and - most disturbingly - role plays.
On a timely, and perhaps topical note.....a little soccer photo to commemorate today's game:
Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. (Read the sashes if you're curious.)
But don't get the wrong idea here. The Faggot Family, as they're actually called, are really just fanatics of a traditional British culinary dish. The unfortunately named food is made from pig liver and other pork products (sounds mmm-mmmm delicious, no?) and dates back to the Middle Ages as a staple of English cooking.
You know it's going to be a good news article when the opening photo caption reads, "The Doody family hopes to raise the profile of faggots." If you are interested in learning more, you can even go out to your local bookseller and purchase the Good Faggot Guide.
This incredibly eager family has the following to say on the topic: "The great British faggot is full of flavor and a great belly warmer." Oooo-kay. I am trying to bite back a smart comment about Elton John. Perhaps most bizarrely of all, the Doody clan actually competed for the title of Faggot Family, undergoing a series of quizzes, mock commercials, and - most disturbingly - role plays.
On a timely, and perhaps topical note.....a little soccer photo to commemorate today's game:
6.20.2008
I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm pregnant now to boot!!
An equally-minded friend (whose sense of empathy got shot off in the war, in other words) alerted me to this debacle of epic proportions. Granted, teenagers make lots of bad decisions. When I look back at some of the people I dated (and some of the styles I wore...), it makes me long for a stiff shot of brain bleach. But this goes well beyond the normal realm of teenage idiocy and straight into what the hella goldmine territory.
17 students at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts are pregnant. None is older than sixteen. That isn't the shocking part, though. [A sad commentary on the situation in and of itself.] It seems that these ninnies, far from being uneducated about the details of safe sex and contraceptives, actually made a pact together to get pregnant and raise their babies en masse.
Principal Joseph Sullivan says it "isn't all that shocking." With all due respect, Joe....what kind of crack are you smoking?!? Isn't shocking?! What ever happened to Truth or Dare? Spin the Bottle? Jesus H. Christ. Having a baby isn't like buying a Chia Pet! Our education system has failed these girls. Their families have failed these girls. Our government, which loves to spout its abstinence only drivel, has failed these girls. But you know what? These ignoramuses deserve their fair share of the blame brownie too. How fucking idiotic can you be? A pact to get pregnant at the ripe ol' age of 16, or 15, or 14?! The rationale? "They're so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally."
Get a therapist. Get some self esteem. Get a goldfish (upon further thought, I don't think these girls would be intelligent enough to care for one, so scratch that). Do NOT get pregnant. The kicker? Joe, the high school's fearless leader, comments on the parentage of one of the babies: "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy." Well isn't that precious??
17 students at Gloucester High School in Massachusetts are pregnant. None is older than sixteen. That isn't the shocking part, though. [A sad commentary on the situation in and of itself.] It seems that these ninnies, far from being uneducated about the details of safe sex and contraceptives, actually made a pact together to get pregnant and raise their babies en masse.
Principal Joseph Sullivan says it "isn't all that shocking." With all due respect, Joe....what kind of crack are you smoking?!? Isn't shocking?! What ever happened to Truth or Dare? Spin the Bottle? Jesus H. Christ. Having a baby isn't like buying a Chia Pet! Our education system has failed these girls. Their families have failed these girls. Our government, which loves to spout its abstinence only drivel, has failed these girls. But you know what? These ignoramuses deserve their fair share of the blame brownie too. How fucking idiotic can you be? A pact to get pregnant at the ripe ol' age of 16, or 15, or 14?! The rationale? "They're so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally."
Get a therapist. Get some self esteem. Get a goldfish (upon further thought, I don't think these girls would be intelligent enough to care for one, so scratch that). Do NOT get pregnant. The kicker? Joe, the high school's fearless leader, comments on the parentage of one of the babies: "We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy." Well isn't that precious??
6.19.2008
Another Penn head case
More news of the bizarre from my beloved alma mater. A group of seven kids living in an apartment near Penn's campus recently moved out - but decided to leave a curio behind that left people, er, scratching their heads.
The crazy Quakers left in their wake a human skull. Although the po-po (having better things to do in South Philly than research the strange, potentially cannibalistic proclivities of over-privileged Ivy League kids, no doubt) don't suspect any foul play, the whole affair is rather puzzling. Is it a prank? A med school relic? Evidence of really poor taste in home decor? Or have our Penn friends been hanging out with my good friend and aspiring Mexican horror novelist-cum-felon?
Picking on Penn....it's just too easy.
The crazy Quakers left in their wake a human skull. Although the po-po (having better things to do in South Philly than research the strange, potentially cannibalistic proclivities of over-privileged Ivy League kids, no doubt) don't suspect any foul play, the whole affair is rather puzzling. Is it a prank? A med school relic? Evidence of really poor taste in home decor? Or have our Penn friends been hanging out with my good friend and aspiring Mexican horror novelist-cum-felon?
Picking on Penn....it's just too easy.
6.17.2008
But will he govern from his coffin?
Ah, Romania - land of attractive male gymnasts and the undead. Or sort of dead, if you look at things the way residents of a small Romanian village seem to see electoral politics. Apparently unsatisfied with the competition, townsfolk elected a dead man - intentionally - in this year's local mayoral contest.
Neculai Ivascu, mayor of more than two decades, died of liver disease during this year's electoral contest. Town members were made aware of this unfortunate circumstance...and proceeded to vote for him anyway. (This reflects really well on opposition candidate Gheorghe Dobrescu, lemme tell ya!) One such voter explains their logic thus: "I know he died, but I don't want change."
Wow....change we can't believe in, apparently! The legacy of Ceausescu's politics is alive and well.....er.....even today.
Neculai Ivascu, mayor of more than two decades, died of liver disease during this year's electoral contest. Town members were made aware of this unfortunate circumstance...and proceeded to vote for him anyway. (This reflects really well on opposition candidate Gheorghe Dobrescu, lemme tell ya!) One such voter explains their logic thus: "I know he died, but I don't want change."
Wow....change we can't believe in, apparently! The legacy of Ceausescu's politics is alive and well.....er.....even today.
6.16.2008
This is not art.
It must seem like I pick on conservatives a lot (but...but...it's so easy!). Well, today I'm sure I'll manage to offend a certain segment of the liberal latte crowd (Hillary's most ardent supporters?). Oops. Now, I like art. I am all for creativity, for pushing the envelope, for the avant garde. (OK, actually I hate modern "poetry" too.) But this is just.....hm, how do I say it?....fucked up.
I'm pro-choice. I don't think abortion is inherently evil. I'm 1,000% in favor of Roe v. Wade. But is there something sick and disturbed about a person who repeatedly becomes pregnant and then forces herself to miscarry, so that she can use the resultant video footage and - gag me - blood/tissue matter for her senior art project? At Yale? New Haven, we have a problem.
I mean, is this woman a closet right-to-lifer? Is she trying to empower the Moral Majority to point their fingers and talk about the abuse of abortion and the blatant disregard for life that such a spectacle - I refuse to call it "art" - embraces? The only other thing I can think of on par with this (upon reflection, I actually find the latter example even more categorically reprehensible) is that sick Nicaraguan fuck Guillermo Vargas tying a dog to a wall in an art gallery and letting it starve in the name of "art". What is wrong with people?
I have a message for you, Aliza Schvarts. Sooner or later, your 15 minutes of fame will wear off. If you have to resort to shock tactics to garner attention for your portfolio, you're probably not much of an artist anyway. What you are, however, is an insensitive, entitled agent provocateur who has managed to offend people from all ends of the political spectrum....congratulations. I can confidently say that we'll never find your work exhibited in the Louvre or the Hermitage.
I'm pro-choice. I don't think abortion is inherently evil. I'm 1,000% in favor of Roe v. Wade. But is there something sick and disturbed about a person who repeatedly becomes pregnant and then forces herself to miscarry, so that she can use the resultant video footage and - gag me - blood/tissue matter for her senior art project? At Yale? New Haven, we have a problem.
I mean, is this woman a closet right-to-lifer? Is she trying to empower the Moral Majority to point their fingers and talk about the abuse of abortion and the blatant disregard for life that such a spectacle - I refuse to call it "art" - embraces? The only other thing I can think of on par with this (upon reflection, I actually find the latter example even more categorically reprehensible) is that sick Nicaraguan fuck Guillermo Vargas tying a dog to a wall in an art gallery and letting it starve in the name of "art". What is wrong with people?
I have a message for you, Aliza Schvarts. Sooner or later, your 15 minutes of fame will wear off. If you have to resort to shock tactics to garner attention for your portfolio, you're probably not much of an artist anyway. What you are, however, is an insensitive, entitled agent provocateur who has managed to offend people from all ends of the political spectrum....congratulations. I can confidently say that we'll never find your work exhibited in the Louvre or the Hermitage.
6.12.2008
In a New York minute...you can get herpes, too!
You know, I've never been in love with New York City. It's a little too trendy, a little too faux hipster, a little too hectic and conspicuous and déclassé for my tastes. And now I have an even better reason not to want to visit - STDs!
The sad truth is, a recent medical survey reveals this stunning fact: one in four New Yorkers has genital herpes. Pause and reflect. One in four. That pretty much guarantees that at least one stockbroker in your daily latte line has herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. I fear for the Sex & the City gals....memo to Carrie: genital lesions clash with your Manolos! In fact, given the stats, one of those four fab females is carrying something a little extra - and I don't mean the newest lip gloss. Seriously. I know they say the dating scene in NYC is fierce, but this is ridic!
The sad truth is, a recent medical survey reveals this stunning fact: one in four New Yorkers has genital herpes. Pause and reflect. One in four. That pretty much guarantees that at least one stockbroker in your daily latte line has herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. I fear for the Sex & the City gals....memo to Carrie: genital lesions clash with your Manolos! In fact, given the stats, one of those four fab females is carrying something a little extra - and I don't mean the newest lip gloss. Seriously. I know they say the dating scene in NYC is fierce, but this is ridic!
6.11.2008
It's going to take a lot of Hail Marys to make up for this
Oops. A Roman couple caught in a moment of amore chose a very unfortunate place to express their desire for one another.....a confessional box in a Catholic church. While the priest was giving a morning Mass. Bless me Father, for I have sinned.....am sinning.....will continue to sin.....
As only an Italian could do, the bishop made peace with the couple under the stipulation that they'll refrain from expressing their carnal passion in church. (The article makes no mention of their marital status, so I'm going to assume they weren't married.....oops, I'm pretty sure adultery is one of the seven deadly sins....) Apparently the couple had been drinking the previous night and - this is the part that perplexes me - decided sex in the confessional was a good idea. To me, this begs an interesting question - did they go to the church with the intention of, uh, intimacy....or did they just sort of get carried away in the passion [paging Mel Gibson] of the moment?
Presumably to purify the church, the bishop recently conducted a "Mass of Reparation" to make up for the sacrilege. In times like this, it's important for passionate young Catholics to remember - the question is what - not who! - would Jesus do?
As only an Italian could do, the bishop made peace with the couple under the stipulation that they'll refrain from expressing their carnal passion in church. (The article makes no mention of their marital status, so I'm going to assume they weren't married.....oops, I'm pretty sure adultery is one of the seven deadly sins....) Apparently the couple had been drinking the previous night and - this is the part that perplexes me - decided sex in the confessional was a good idea. To me, this begs an interesting question - did they go to the church with the intention of, uh, intimacy....or did they just sort of get carried away in the passion [paging Mel Gibson] of the moment?
Presumably to purify the church, the bishop recently conducted a "Mass of Reparation" to make up for the sacrilege. In times like this, it's important for passionate young Catholics to remember - the question is what - not who! - would Jesus do?
6.10.2008
Putting your tax dollars to work!
Every Senate session, I know there are plenty of pork barrel bills passed, allocating funds for all sorts of useless and inane "pet" projects. But this, er, goes down to new depths of absurdity. A U.S. research base in Antarctica just received its final shipment of goods for the winter. What did said shipment include? Not clothes, not food, not fuel, not technology, not medicine....no, no, my friends - something far more useful while stuck in the frozen wastelands.
Yes, gentle readers - a supply flight just dropped off a shipment of condoms to last the research team throughout the winter.
While you ponder the unforeseen uses of your tax money, here's something that'll really rock your clock. How many condoms did the Uncle Sam-supported plane deliver? 16,500. How many researchers are there? 125. All I can say is.....I guess there isn't much to do down there during the winter. Priceless. Now we know why the polar ice caps are melting!!
Yes, gentle readers - a supply flight just dropped off a shipment of condoms to last the research team throughout the winter.
While you ponder the unforeseen uses of your tax money, here's something that'll really rock your clock. How many condoms did the Uncle Sam-supported plane deliver? 16,500. How many researchers are there? 125. All I can say is.....I guess there isn't much to do down there during the winter. Priceless. Now we know why the polar ice caps are melting!!
6.09.2008
Cue the banjo music
Oooh-kay. I try to stay away from politics on here since the topic saturates pretty much every other form of media one can find. But seriously, I can't ignore this topic. Now, although it's probably pretty clear where I stand on the matter personally - this isn't an argument for Barack Obama as President. I don't care (for the purposes of this discussion, anyway!) if you like him or hate him. What I am taking to issue today as an all too what the hella? topic is the attitudes expressed - openly! - in this disturbing news article.
I'm just going to go ahead and quote these idiots. Their comments are indictments of their beliefs more than any snarking I can provide (though I'm happy to do that too!) Welcome to the Wall of Shame:
"I don't think our country is ready for a black president." - Joyce Susick
"I don't think we're ready for [a black or female] one yet...Obama just hasn't impressed me...His middle name bothers me a lot." - Doug Richardson
"The Constitution should be amended so it will not let any colored people run for the White House." - Robert Miller [who, I should note, is living on government subsidies in government housing!!! um, memo to Uncle Sam: I do NOT want my tax dollars supporting this bigoted douchebag!!]
"Black doesn't bother me, but Muslim does." - Dixie Pebley [I don't even want to point out that Obama isn't Muslim, because the sentiment behind this comment is so distasteful]
I'm sure I could find even uglier things on the Internet in chat rooms and blogs, but what boggles my mind is that these quotes were provided by these individuals to a national news reporter.... They were totally comfortable signing their names to these opinions and having them shared with the nation and the world. Folks.....how far have we come? Seriously. I guess I've lived in a happy little bubble where I thought that bigotry was the ugly exception - but sentiments like these are insidious and, apparently, all too pervasive. What! The! Hella!
I'm just going to go ahead and quote these idiots. Their comments are indictments of their beliefs more than any snarking I can provide (though I'm happy to do that too!) Welcome to the Wall of Shame:
"I don't think our country is ready for a black president." - Joyce Susick
"I don't think we're ready for [a black or female] one yet...Obama just hasn't impressed me...His middle name bothers me a lot." - Doug Richardson
"The Constitution should be amended so it will not let any colored people run for the White House." - Robert Miller [who, I should note, is living on government subsidies in government housing!!! um, memo to Uncle Sam: I do NOT want my tax dollars supporting this bigoted douchebag!!]
"Black doesn't bother me, but Muslim does." - Dixie Pebley [I don't even want to point out that Obama isn't Muslim, because the sentiment behind this comment is so distasteful]
I'm sure I could find even uglier things on the Internet in chat rooms and blogs, but what boggles my mind is that these quotes were provided by these individuals to a national news reporter.... They were totally comfortable signing their names to these opinions and having them shared with the nation and the world. Folks.....how far have we come? Seriously. I guess I've lived in a happy little bubble where I thought that bigotry was the ugly exception - but sentiments like these are insidious and, apparently, all too pervasive. What! The! Hella!
6.06.2008
The serpent me beguiled and I did eat...this watermelon
Forgive the hiatus - I was enjoying the sunshine in lovely Charleston, SC. Incredible architecture, gorgeous ocean views, fascinating history, and great food - which brings me to today's topic. I like gourmet foods as much as the next snob, trust me. Truffles, caviar, champagne, a really nice Rothschild red....bring it on. But one has to draw the line somewhere, and here's where I draw mine.
In Tokyo, a watermelon was just auctioned for.....wait for it......$6,100. Said watermelon was not, you know, gold plated or filled with rubies. It's a watermelon...and nothing more. If you're waiting for the punch line, there isn't one - except, of course, that some individual actually shelled out more than six thousand smackeroos for a watermelon that probably won't even taste ripe in a week or so. Talk about diminishing returns!! And this follows a purchase last month of two cantaloupes for $23,500. ??!?!? Please, exotic produce purchasers - if you really don't have anything better to do with your cash, let me give you my phone number. I'm sure I can come up with a suitable wishlist - upon which, I guarantee, no watermelon will appear.
In Tokyo, a watermelon was just auctioned for.....wait for it......$6,100. Said watermelon was not, you know, gold plated or filled with rubies. It's a watermelon...and nothing more. If you're waiting for the punch line, there isn't one - except, of course, that some individual actually shelled out more than six thousand smackeroos for a watermelon that probably won't even taste ripe in a week or so. Talk about diminishing returns!! And this follows a purchase last month of two cantaloupes for $23,500. ??!?!? Please, exotic produce purchasers - if you really don't have anything better to do with your cash, let me give you my phone number. I'm sure I can come up with a suitable wishlist - upon which, I guarantee, no watermelon will appear.
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