Aha! Uses for an English major

After a thrilling whirlwind weekend that included appearing on tv three times in one night, the defeat of the Patriots' evil empire by Mini-Manning & co., and (gasp) getting to meet Barack Obama, I have to turn to an issue that often arises when someone asks about my education. "You dropped out of Wharton to become an English major?" This is the inevitable question, always followed by blank looks and disbelief.

Yes, yes I did. But - in a rare coup for English majors everywhere - we have found a news item that thoroughly illustrates the advantage of have a student of literature on staff at all times. Preventing moral outrage everywhere - see, we have our uses too!

Apparently the London shopping chain Woolworths failed to follow my sage advice. Now they're amid a PR fiasco, after scads of angry (and presumably more literate mothers) have protested the stores' sale of a bed marketed to young girls - a bed with the unfortunate retail name "Lolita".

I'm hardly an advocate for celibacy or the strict regulation of morals, but branding a bed geared to prepubescent girls with the moniker of the world's most famous promiscuous child seems like a really poor marketing decision... Although I'm always glad to hear a literary shout-out in unexpected places, I'm not sure this is what Nabokov had in mind. More disturbing than the initial branding snafu, however, is the utter ignorance displayed by the chain's management.

"What seems to have happened is that the staff...had never heard of Lolita, and to be honest, no one else here had either."

Hello, folks, did you not take high school English? I mean, Christ, they've even made movies of the famous tale (including one starring a particularly yummy Jeremy Irons...) "Lolita" is as much a part of the international zeitgeist as it is a literary work. Seriously, people. Not having read it is one thing - but to never have heard of the book or even the name before? What planet have you been on?

All I can say is that karma's a bitch. For those of you who fell asleep during lit class or opted for the Cliff Notes version of life....I hope you're caught in just such a peccadillo someday! At very least, be sure you have someone like me lying around...someone who will mock you incessantly but will ensure no such unfortunate branding initiatives is ever allowed to see the light of day.