During my lunch breaks, I often waltz into the local overpriced high end grocery store for some sushi and a bottle of my much-beloved Vanilla Coke Zero. The people at the cashiers more or less know me by now, as do the bagboys. One of these unique specimens is the subject of today's WTH-inspiring thrills.
This particular fellow looks normal enough - middle aged, healthy looking, appears in full possession of his mental faculties. He also, it seems, fancies himself the next Anna Wintour. Not a visit goes by without his running commentary on my wardrobe. Now, I get it. I'm sharp-dressed. I put some thought into my wardrobe. But this guy takes it to a new level....and a new level of awkwardness. What follows are real conversations between moi and Creepy BagBoy (henceforth, CBB) - as well as photos of the actual outfits that inspired his commentary. Read it and weep...
Outfit 1: The Houndstooth Jacket
CBB: That's an interesting jacket. It looks old.
moi: [puzzled, slightly pissed off look on my face] Uh...
CBB: Kids these days love to wear old things. It's the latest fashion. Stuff from my generation, you know?
moi: Yeah....my jacket isn't old....I bought it last season.
CBB: Stuff from the 80's! It looks old. [pause] It's cool, it's cool, you know.
moi: [thinking to myself] Does he mean vintage?
Outfit 2: Brown fishnets
CBB: Those are some great fishnets. I love it when a woman wears fishnets.
moi: ...yeah. They're pretty cool.
CBB: Tights are good, but when a woman puts on fishnets...! Now I'm not trying to say anything here, but man, they're just so sexy. So sexy. I can't stop looking at them.
moi: ....
CBB: Love your fishnets. Have a great day.
Sure, now I'm going to have a great day. Now that you've scarred me for life. Paper or plastic? Insults or sexual harassment? Every day is a virtual grab bag of potentially awkward outcomes.
7 comments:
amazing what some people say. god. i can only imagine this guy's wardrobe!! haha.
Whatever happened to "you look fetching today ma'am," or "my thats a nice dress." I mean, I guess I know where the adjective form of fetching went...but still
dude i think a certain prof. with a penchance for awkward letters used to tell me i looked fetching .... ai ai ai
You should make him a button (perhaps a new art project?) with his well-earned initials on it, give it to him and never explain what it means. Just tell him that you, Queen of the Fishnet Stockings, command him to wear it each and every day. :)
HA!!! yes. good idea.
except then he might think it's a romantic gift and god only knows what would ensue next.....
I thought of that too. I bet you could somehow play it perfectly though... somehow. (I don't know how that might be, exactly, but it would sure be funny!)
mo - please feel free to perpetuate the rumor that tim grew up to be a bagboy. i won't stand in your way!!!
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