I hope you are slowly and painfully devoured by puppies and kittens

**ATTENTION Dear Readers. It has been brought to my attention that - mercifully - the website described below is a hoax. Well, thank Camus for that. I am going to leave this commentary up, though, for 2 reasons. First, check out any animal shelter/Craigslist post/urban alleyway and you will find ample proof that plenty of people have the mindset captured in this site - that pets are disposable commodities that can be abandoned when they're no longer "cute" or convenient. The second reason I'm leaving the link to this site up is that its intent was to generate both visibility and debate surrounding this issue, and this is a fantastic way to do so.**

It takes a lot to really upset me, but this website is doing it in spades. In fact, I am so disgusted that I almost don't think I can be witty. Ladies and gents, this is the epitome of everything I hate - ignorance, dishonesty, carelessness, greed, lack of empathy, apathy, and an utter absence of principle.

Now, I'm an animal lover. I have a dog, a horse, and a cat. I grew up with cats, horses, goldfish, hamsters, gerbils, a rockin' Norwegian Elkhound, and even a pet ladybug named Amadeus. So this bastard really hits home for me. But I don't care if you hate pet fur, barking, litter boxes, leashes, and all things warm and fuzzy. This is just plain wrong, and sickening. Where to even begin?

From their homepage:

Animal research has played a vital role in virtually every major medical advance of the last century and now YOU can be a part of that proud tradition and make money at the same time!

...be a saint, do a good deed. And LINE YOUR POCKETS TOO. Gee, I wonder what the real motivation here is?

From "Who Sells?":

Are you an individual who regularly finds himself with too many cats and dogs on hand or maybe you're just in need of cash? Whether you've got a whole unwanted litter of mutts or just one cat that doesn't get along with the rest, Email me and do a good deed. Keep it up and you can earn bonus money for quantity.

Uh...if you have a whole litter of unwanted mutts, it's because YOU didn't spay/neuter your dog or take the necessary precautions if your animal was left intact (able to breed). That means the puppies/kittens are YOUR responsibility. But apparently you should chuck 'em out like trash and do a "good deed" in the process. I'll nominate you for a Nobel Peace Prize! And more money for quantity! So in other words....keep churning them out!

Also from "who sells?":

WARNING: Anyone found stealing dogs or cats or capturing them in an untoward manner will immediately be suspended from selling to our service.
(However, once purchased and within our system, our strictly enforced policy is that we absolutely can not return product under any circumstance).

Wow, that disclaimer really makes me feel better. SURE you don't steal animals....but once you have your grubby little paws (so to speak) on them, there's no possible way to get Fido or Fluffy back. What kind of sick bastard are you?

This is the part that gets me the most..."Why sell?":

There are many reasons one may wish to no longer be a pet owner.
-Say you're moving and can't take tabby with you.
-Say your expensive hound just had a litter of mutts.
-Say your pooch isn't friendly, won't potty train, destroys your possessions, etc., etc., etc.

Um....if you're moving and can't bring your beloved pet, it's your responsibility to find a good home for it. If you own an "expensive hound", you should be able to afford the spay/neuter surgery that will ensure no "unwanted" puppies arrive. And for the love of Christ, it's not your pet's fault if it won't potty train/learn household rules/isn't socialized - it's YOURS!!! Animals don't train themselves, asshat. Learn some basic training skills, take your dog to obedience class, whatever - it's not exactly rocket science. But no - instead you should KILL YOUR DOG because it's being, um, a dog, and you're too lazy to do something about it.

This is the most repugnant part of all, I think:

You can enjoy their wonderful puppy / kitten stage and then reap a cash reward for having grown such a fine specimen. Start over with a new kitten every six months! Win, Win, and Win!

I don't think I even have words for how morally wrong this is. These are living creatures. They feel pain and fear, they form bonds with others (like, um, their owners!). They're not toys to be used and discarded as soon as you lose interest. If you absolutely HAVE TO get rid of a pet - find a good home for it, take it to a rescue organization, or at absolute worst, take it to a shelter where it has a chance at finding a good home or, if for some reason that isn't possible, a humane end. Don't SELL IT to some scumbag to make a quick buck. What kind of person can do that - raise an animal from infancy, love it, care for it, form a relationship with it ... and then ship it off to a lab to be killed? For some extra cash? Seriously?

But the even bigger issue here is that when you acquire a pet, it becomes your responsibility. You don't have a kid and then decide, eh, I think I'll go throttle it, once it reaches the terrible twos. (And if you do, you end up in jail for the rest of your life, and rightly so.) So what kind of sick fuck would think about a pet that way?

And there's more:

The sad truth is that once Fido or FiFi outgrow their cute age, many pet owners simply no longer feel the love.

Yes, that is sad. It's an indictment of the sad, morally deranged character who runs this website - and of anyone who seriously views their pet that way. Excuse me while I go vomit on my loafers.

"Who buys them?":

A very wide variety of companies and individuals require a large number of animals. All share the common goal of testing and learning to make perfect. [huh?] However, we are strongly against the unethical fur industry and refuse all business from that sector.

Hypocrisy, anyone? The fur industry is unethical but encouraging people to dispose of their pets like a used tissue is somehow okay? And let's not kid ourselves, most of the companies that do animal testing aren't trying to find a cure for cancer. They're trying to test a new shade of lipsitck - and while I am, by any measure, a fashionista, I am so far from thinking that's cool that it may as well be in another galaxy.

More:

Veterinarian schools use a lot of live 'practice' dogs and cats before trying their hands on the patron's beloved pets.

Beloved pets? You mean, the ones they sell to your company when they get bored of caring for them??!!

I think I am going to go apoplectic. Is there anyone out there who thinks this sort of attitude is acceptable?? I am truly aghast - what the hella? doesn't even begin to cover my reaction. Seriously, I hope this person burns in hell. Eternity isn't long enough.